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April 2010
Mine is not
My head twisting
My mind told me that I am not supposed to forget myself
Altho my conscience said I have more than enough reason to love
The mind keep convincing me that I am out of reason to love
and that I am not supposed to live this way
that I can live better
why is it so heart to keep my heart strong?
All this time I have been living with these in mind:
"I am happy because people care about me, because many people love me,
because people appreciate me.."
The more I count how many people who really care, how much I am actually loved... those things...
The more unhappy is my life
So please... I beg myself;
help myself
forget myself
stop looking at myself
because a sad soul she is
I couldn't even recognize my own shadow
no kidding.. I even google it. Of course, none of the results seems to help. What a sad girl, u think? I think so, too.
The longer I stay here, the more invisible I am.
I am nobody's people
I am nobody's friend
I belong to nowhere
No one defend me when people unfairly prejudiced against me
They laugh too loud and they hear not my cry of help
They speak and think what they want to think of me but they do not know
They do not understand
and the worst is the neglect
But really, sometimes I just cannot hold it.
At certain point like this, I would long the warmth of embrace
of people
of companion
how great the feeling of being cared of
how I long to be loved
Ah, I don't help myself by complaining this and that
got some inspiration while typing this post and look out of the window
let's start over...
I don't know how to make friends in NUS
people come and go but God remains, he never fails me
let the world think what they wan to think of me
I will swallow them and move along with a big big smile in my heart
Alone and alive, let it be me
because
It makes me learn to be humble and sincere
It makes me see that everything is more than what is seen
It makes me treasure my family and my old friends
Isn't it harder to love than to be loved? I can learn that too..
A true friend is those who seek so much to console than to be consoled
To understand instead of being understood
=) =)
wuaaaahhhh, loneliness never felt better =D