Today my exam is over
I screwed the paper
did not finish my mastering physics practice
I guess He teaches me something
what it means to have faith
it means to stay calm and believe even when everything is not right
it means to be persevere when everything seems hard and unpleasant
God, if I cannot have A on this module, if You think it is best for me, let it be
make me strong to accept it
and not to give up
not to stop dreaming
to keep hoping
and to keep struggling
2009
I felt so lazy today
I Have not start studying for tomo's test
My mind pushed me to think about yesterday's paper
I was so afraid I made mistake
I was afraid about tomo's test
Today the Holy Cross has evening mass
since it coincides with the parish talk, it will take 2 hours for the mass
I think I will be going if I have done my studying
but since I have not yet started anything up to now
I don't think I am going
Ummm...
this is the examination
evils are trying to seduce me
I should not fall
Be strong
I will start now
God, Please help
O Jesus, meek and humble of heart! Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
From the desire of being loved,
From the desire of being sought after,
From the desire of being honored,
From the desire of being praised,
From the desire of being preferred to others,
From the desire of being consulted,
From the desire of being approved,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being humbled,
From the fear of being despised,
From the fear of suffering rebuffs,
From the fear of being calumniated,
From the fear of being forgotten,
From the fear of being ridiculed,
From the fear of being injured,
From the fear of being suspected,
Deliver me, Jesus.
That others may be loved more than I,
That in the opinion of the world,
others may increase, and I may decrease,
That others may be chosen and I set aside,
That others may be praised and I unnoticed,
That others be preferred to me in everything,
That others may be more holy than I,
provided I may become as holy as I should.
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
It is finally today. Feels like I had just been stepping on Changi Airport yesterday. Times go so fast. This Saturday I will be completing my last paper on NUS final exam.
---
Friday, 20 November 2009
ES1301
I woke up with fear. My head sprained due to late sleep the last night. Could not concentrate well. I think I did well for the text-editing part and reading comprehension. But when it came to the essay, I crapped. I don't know, I don't feel like writing something good on the paper. I really crapped.
When I reached PGP, I was so scared that I might not pass this paper. I thought of a lot of things and could not study. I felt so empty.
I spent the whole day contemplating my passions and my efforts. And finally I realized that I should be seeking for God.
I surrendered to Him, thinking that even if I cannot pass this one, I will just re-take it and do it better next semester. No regret. No shame. hehehh...
Ever since that day, I went to the church everyday. Pray rosary. When you really mean it, it is very working. It gives me calmness, strength and wisdom.
I used to work like a horse, read many things, did various problems, but I did not count on Him. I thought, ALL we need to do is to work hard. I am a Catholic but I never could understand how can prayer make people succeed. They succeed because they practice.
I used to work like a horse, read many things, did various problems, but I did not count on Him. I thought, ALL we need to do is to work hard. I am a Catholic but I never could understand how can prayer make people succeed. They succeed because they practice.
That was why, I never was happy. I worked very hard and spent almost my whole life for my works. I cared nothing about people. I cared only about my worries. When I spent my time to relax, I would grieve for "wasting my time not for studying". What a life...
It takes a year full of failures to understand, what it means to count on God. It takes losing everything to come back to Him. No regret. No shame. It is perfect.
His plans are really greater than what minds can achieve.
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
SSA2211
This is Singapore Studies module. The materials were so many. I did no study all of them. Only few parts. I did research in internet. I was so calm that day. I put my rosary on the table and open the paper. Wow...
wow...
the questions...
were just what I read those past 2 days.
13 Chapters of Singapore History, I spent only 2 days. Literally, 2 days. I never study SS during school time. I went smooth answering all of them. I was so happy
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
MA1505
This module is the one that I feared the most. My mid term result was not good, and I need to fix it in this exam. I was so stressed, I did mistakes many times and was not sure that I would be fine on this paper.
But, ever since that day, I changed the way I study this module. I still did mistakes, but I did not waste my time thinking I was a fool, retarded....blahblah... I first said thank you to the lord, for His guidance in my study, He pointed out my shortcomings in math. I looked through it and think how I can fix it. And my mind was working! Studying become so serene and peaceful.
I stucked on few problems in this exam , but I quickly told my mind, do not dwell there. I looked at the cross and be very sure that Jesus was with me during the exam. I really could think smoothly and really answer and finish all the problems and even check through some numbers in 2 hours time!! Wow, this is something above my own ability. Must be Jesus. :)
Thursday, 26 November 2009
PC 1141
I really did not put any effort on this module. I only did past year paper. I was so afraid. I can say I count on Him. But everyone knows, not studying at all make it meaningless. What God wants when He gives you something is responsibility, or otherwise, you will misunderstand or at the very least have a very simplistic and shallow understanding of life. So, if you do pray but you slack, He will give you other things (which are usually things that you do not ask for) so that you realize what it means by hoping. Ora et Labora it is.
Today, Davin told me something very interesting. He told me that a Father once spoke to him :
"When it comes to exam period, you would ask either justice OR mercy to the Lord"
If you do not get it, I did not either. heheh...
You will ask for justice when you have studied so hard: "Oh, Lord, please bless my effort for this. Hopefully, this effort brings me the best result."
You will ask for mercy when you do not prepare well : "Oh Lord, have mercy.. Please help me in doing the problems."
I asked for mercy. XD
I had it. I did all of the problems in 2 hours.
Still get one module left on Saturday.
---
What should I say.. I did not like exams. It stressed me out. My fears rise up everytime I have to take examinations. But this, my first final exam in NUS, has made me think of a lot of things, and made me realize and learn a lot of things. And, most of all, made me come back to Him. Oh ya, I do not want you think that I trust in Him in a silly way. We should never be satisfied with our faith. Once you find God, keep Him in your heart and keep increasing our knowledge of what it is that He wants us to do in this life. I told you this, but the truth is, Jesus' love : we.will.never.can.get.enough
So far so good. I do not expect for good marks. I need only to know that I really had done my best for it. With the best effort, with the best faith. Let God do the rest.
Exam will end soon. I will savor it. XD
I have recently lost my appetite to the world. Exam is now so near and I don''t feel like studying crazy like a horse. I felt I had lost my passion. I don't give a damn on things, details. I don't feel like I did anything to God. and I felt empty.
I said I love Christ, but never really try and eager to be with Him. I went to church everyday, but my thoughts were wandering around school works, people, food xp and etc. I did not put any effort to live the life He wants me to live, as a good Catholic. I did evil ways and followed my evil passions and impulses. At first, it feels comfortable. But, soon, I got killed. I felt so empty and worthless.
So, 2 days ago I spent my day, contemplating. I really sought to Him, and I really find Him.
Friends, we might think that He needs other people to help us. In fact, He really longs to help us directly. Seek Him, and you shall find. It feels good, when you feel God's presence at any moment of your life.
But until yesterday, I was still confused about what it is that I want to pursue in life. My friends get so much passion in what they do. Physics students should get so much passion in science. What about me?
Today, I found an answer. It was at St Joseph Institution Chapel, where we celebrated Christ the King celebration today. Father told us:
"Israelites asked Samuel, "our neighbors have their kings, but we do not have one, we need to have a king!". Then Samuel said: "Yahwe is your king. He was, He is and He will forever be."".
Me : This is the answer!!!
(background music: Alleluia)
I should come back to Him
for He never leaves
He shall rule my heart.
I shall keep searching on His Kingdom
I shall let God do His work on me
for His plans are so much better than what we could think of
I shall count on Him
+++
a letter 'A' on your paper may encourage you
good music could sooth and calm your enraged feeling
funny shows on YouTube can cheer you up
but there will be a time when you feel so tired, empty and discouraged
and they cannot fix you
maybe you are even too broken to pray
you sin every time, will He still be loving you?
Friends, His mercy is REALLY bigger than our sins
come back to Him
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
If we have placed our hope in this world
only, we are the most pitiable people of all.
Life in this world, as you yourselves can see,
is just the same for animals,
wild beasts, birds, and ourselves,
and it can even be longer for them.
But what is proper to humans
is what Christ gives us through his Spirit,
provided we sin no more: life without end...
the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
(Biblical references: 1Co 15,49.47; Jn 11,25; Phil 1,21.23; 2Cor 5,6-7; 1Cor 15,19; Rm 6,23)
when everyone loves you for who you are, you worry.
you eager to be useful for those you care.
when everybody counts on you, you worry
everyone befriends to me because they need something from me.
What if someday I cannot provide?
Will they still care?
it is just one sample
there are still so many things
that make us worry and whine
it is an endless (should I add reversible?; nothing changed, it is reversible X)) cycle
It is our flesh
which laden our cross
this helps:
count your blessings, friends
"Karena aku tahu kepada siapa aku percaya dan aku yakin bahwa Dia berkuasa memeliharakan apa yang telah dipercayakanNya kepadaku hingga pada hari Tuhan"
2 Timotius 1:12
I once held so many things in my hand and lost all of them;
however
for the things that I give in to God's hand, I can have them forever
been dreamin bout ppl these past few nights
2 days ago, i remember scolding and torturing my brother in my dream. phew, I was a bad sister there.. can't remember why, but I remember it was so dark...
last nyt, I dreamt bout my mother and her friends. They made their own pineapple pie and they want me to try them. One of my mum's friend, ii Sylvi, she told me I can exchange my mum's with hers. and I remember I said yes. " yes, auntie, with pleasure!! Yours must be made of expensive flour!" ps: she is a rich woman
wth...
"Keangkuhan merendahkan orang, tetapi orang yang rendah hati, menerima pujian."
Amsal 29:23
God does BIG things through those who do not merely seek 'empty' compliments.
Be sincere in whatever you do. Seek Him, and you shall find Him.
exam comes nearer.God provides everything. Time, energy, resources and people. We are not lack of anything
this is for me and for everyone who happens to read. God bless us
I feel like badmouthing ppl today
what a bad heart
ppl who badmouths others is a sad person
she judges others
to have others' approval that she is way better
what a lonely soul
and that's why she would think others will judge her so either
the world is so black to her
how pity..
quoting from a friend
"if you keep judging ppl, you will have no time to love them."
(credits to Willy Kiesien)
has recently felt associated with these adjectives
careless
so weak
grumpy
so not outstanding in anything
so lagging
crybaby
silly
unstable
sensitive
selfish
wicked
short-minded
lack of focus
greedy
attention seeker
hypocrite
lonely
useless
wasted
I shouldn't ask 'why' when everything leave me.
I am no good
is it me or the world?
I wish I could just blame the world
What should I do?
CA2 result is so bad
MasteringPhysics done all day long and keep making mistakes
2 (which is entire) of my calculators are gone, I think I left them in library
they are so precious to me. one is a graphical one, my father gave me, the other one is the one that Andri gave me.
haven't done my lab report
haven't gone through SP essay
haven't really touched math module
I cry
Most solids are known to be birefringent. Does this have something to do with the lattice structure of the crystal? Other than sodium chloride, which has a very simple cubic lattice, solid crystal are, eventhough highly symmetrical, are not as simple as cube.
What happen when a light comes to a medium is approximately this:
particles in the crystal sees the light and absorbs it. They will vibrate because of it and then they will emit it out. Index of refraction depends on the medium which implicitly tells us that it depends on 'the extend to which the particle do such process'. Maybe when a light comes to a birefringent medium, the configuration of atoms that they meet will be different. crytallographically dependent.
Birefringent materials are usually solids, 90% of solids are, and polymer too. Air, Liquid are not. Maybe this is due to a relatively distant separation between atoms inside it, so at different direction, it would not be able to tell the difference.
want to know more about it ei...! pretty cool, huh?
Had lunch with Imma at the sci canteen
as usual, I had Yong tau foo, not important..
What is your purpose of being scientist?
is it merely to get good marks get known by all ppl? to have a lot of money?
get your intention right.
we can see many talented ppl, many good looking ppl, seems they have it all,, but inside them, they still feel something is missing.. Are you, too, missing something?
ppl say bad things about nus, that its competitions are too hard, and etc. But we can see this as a plus poin. You realize that there is so called langit di atas langit.. You always have a chance to grow
I got my english CA2 result today
woooaaa... it is only 19 out of 40. the lowest in the class. hmm, could possibly the lowest in the uni.
I took a deep breath
It is not that I did not do my best
I think before answering those Qs ei
very deep sigh
Commonly, I will turn very angry with myself, moody and cloudy.
Not now, git... when I get good marks, I am happy and when I get bad marks I am angry..
is this what you call faith? certainly not.
should I be satisfied with this? all this things?
I remember I used to glow, excel in everything I do. Ever since last year, I had to swallow failures over failures. I used to think how could a bright possibly failed at some time and never emerge again? I know some people, they excelled at their junior high but at senior high they just never come up.
Will I be just like them?
No, I will not. I will try as hard as I could. But I will try too, not to ignore those people around me. Based on historical record, everytime I failed, I will work like a horse and exiled myself from the outside. I must not.
I have to learn to manage my time. Time is important, but so are people. even more, God.
I typed random things here.. hahah... if you are still reading, wow... you really get no works to do, don't you? hahah.. kidding..
I will be thankful for the results. But I will never be satisfied of it. This time it is bad. Thanks to God that it is still not the final one. Last mid test was not good. I still have chances to work things out.
Just keep studying
keep praying
we never know what's in God's mind
Maybe He think it's better not giving it today
Maybe tomo, next month, next yr, or even never
Whatever it is
do not lose faith
for He is good
I take deep breath.... again
I will not grumble
I will not tell others about how I am so scared right now
Because that means I would tell myself to do so
Because I would find satisfaction in doing so and finally not trying again
Because I would blame myself and the world
I will send my sighs to Thee alone
do not make it easier for me, God
give me perseverence
hilang mood sudah for SSA2211
the lecturer keep talking and I really have no interest to give a damn. It is so far the module that I don't enjoy the most. Staffs are kind. It's just this history is not my area of interest. Internet is on and I keep browsng on NUS department of physics website. I was planning to take cm1101 next year. But it clashes with math. UUghh... cs1101 can.. so i think i need to take gem or gek. I am interested with forensic science for gem. for gek, reason persuasion or intro to world's religion.
hummm... will I be still like this when it comes to 2nd yr?
I saw our physics module for the next 4 yrs. they are all sounds so.. so... so...
I don't know the word
so...
SOPHISTICATED
that's the word, sophisticated
Anyway, today's presentation is fun ei. Other group's topic are interesting, too. I ask quite a lot question and quite satisfied. Btw uncle ang needs me to compile our essay by 9pm. I'm gonna write more about the presentation after finishing it.
Also, been thinking to make a cup of coffee for myself and onion cheese bread. uugh, temptation.
SS Essay #2 is returned today. what's my result??
let us see, I will take it now
...
...
...
...
it's a B, yey! I don't know what other ppl think, but writing a history essay is really tough for me. Predominantly, having no motivation at all, no interest at all. hard to do lah.. hope I could pass this SS module. I really don't want to do it anymore.
I always want to be the greatest person in the world
I want to be the most excellent student
I want to be the best one among all
It was a good motivation to start
But as I walk through
I see that there are too many people
too many greater ones
the so-called motivation kills
put me into depression
make me hate myself
Therefore
I am trying to change my way
I want to be the best version of myself
as God has made me
P.E.R.F.E.C.T
we all are.. in our own way
"Brig, klo gw yah, uda mau deket2 exam belajrnya juga ttp enjoy. nggak usah dibawa2 stress. yang penting belajar aja"
I see... Whether or not I can succeed in exam depends on my effort. When I'm adding stress while studying, it is still an effort, tapi menyiksa.
Good one. I'll give it a try
credits to Andri Pradana ♥
ow yeah, I also want to share one tips.
When you are stuck with idea, feeling like losing appetite in studying
TAKE A BATH lol XD
seriously, it WORKS
at least to me
at least you smell better
I got a panic attack just now
exam is near
what did I do???????
I may know what's good
but He knows what's best
and He provides everything just right
just.keep.your.pace
live your life and make it be the best version it could be
deep thought on the word 'best'
study..? of course..
but what is life without having quality time with people or yourself?
So, study hard and play, too... (In my case, play=browse)
But exam is near lo!! Browsing, chilling out are not option!! So study hard..!! Taste the bitter first and then savor the sweetness.
I am feeling good now, so I'm gonna share 'em
Today's su'up:
I had PC1142 lecture. I took a bath b4 lecture (wth? usually no aa?) and spent an hour to get ready.. what did I do? put on make up? no.. (if yes, then it would be so sad to me lah; already put on make up still look that bad ah?!?) I dont know, I just look myself in the mirror and love it. Narcism? nope.. (Gee, I love answering my own question) I was just being thankful for what I am. Today my lecturer talked about birefringence polarization. I was late so I did not catch it very well, but it seems so interesting though. gonna research (ahh.. exaggerated term) on that. Dr Peter Ho changed his cloth today. It is now a darker blue shirt. He looked great with anything! He talked about exam questions, literally, he told us the problem for each question. The way I see it, must be so hard Qs eeeiii.
Aanyway,
he told us something that is very good
"...blah blah blah on working the problems systematically... what you do in the exam is not writing something and hoping it is the right answer, what you do is explaining what you write to yourself to convince you that it is the right answer........"
jlebh! cupid's arrow hit my heart..
ahaha... no lah.. kidding..he has got family I guess.. ( and I weep LOL)
jlebh!
the first mentioned is what I have been doing in the exams. and that is why I could never be calm and confident in the exams. Rather than thinking logically and critically, I was always busy thinking what if I am wrong.
good advice, Dr Ho. I admire you more.
I have met at least two impressing Physics staff in NUS. One is Dr Ho and another is Prof Feng Yuan Ping, our head of department. Despite of his business, he arranged time to chat with ALL Physics freshman. The fact that he is a professor does not make him a cold-hearted person. He was so warm and enlightening.
He ask me what I want to be in the future. I was so confused at that time. I dont want to teach, I was not sure too that I want to do research.. I dont think I am good enough to make a contribution in Science. and I dont think industrial life is fun, I mean that one like engineering students. In my interpretation, we need to have as many network as possible, we have to do and to be what the majority think worth doing. It is not that I think it is bad. I am just not into that. I like mingling with friends, having chit chat, laugh... But, the truth is I could be a very individualistic person. I just do what I want.
Then he said, most people who go to Physics Department does not see making money as what they want to do in the future. I never think of that before. Actually, I don't need to be very rich. But I need enough money so that I can eat what I like XD. Really, I don't see having much money so that I can buy cars, jewelry, gadgets and etc as something very interesting. Then I think of my parents. They are not poor. But, I have a big dream for them. I want to take them around the world. I want to be able to provide them with prosperity when they get older. Therefore, I need the money..
My faith then reminds me. I shall not worry about those things. God knows just what is best for us. OK then. Even if I could not make much money, what matters is that I keep showing them that I love them and care for them. I guess that is what would make them most happy. But I still hope somehow for my BIG dream to come true (say AMEN everyone!!!)
These past few days, I felt so happy in Physics Department. I met my lab assistant at the canteen, and she greet and smiled at me. You might think it is so small. But to me it is so big lah.. World become warmer..
I got lab session. We were working with sonometer. It was fun. I love our lab sessions. I just love doing it. Eventhough I am not good at it, I am happy with the fact that I got a passion in it. Eventhough lab session in NUS Physics only worth 15% of assessment, I always put my best effort in doing it. Btw,one could be so worry about getting bad datas and busy manipulating them. Actually I am very fine with bad datas, unless it is totally wrong. The worse data you get, the more research and thinking you do, the better analysis you come out with. I always think of our results and wonder why that could be so. When I found the answer I would be just so happy.
Actually I got an A in my recent lab report. the marker said I had good analysis. It is not that I was so proud of myself. haha... This makes me realize that I should keep that spirit.. this one.. just do the best in what I do without thinking about the result.
emphasis on the 'good analysis' ^o^
This is IT. this is the spirit that I have been long for. this is the soul that once left my body. I now could accept the fact that I am not as good as other people without any burden. I will not give up. I ask everyone and learn from anything. I am still not good enough, and I am okay with it, study it over again. And of course, the motivation is to live the best version of me rather than to be better than him or her. this is it. this enthusiasm, I remember this. this is what give me strength and joy in top 30 TOFI training, me in my best shape. Phewwww.... I am so relieved that I finally find my pace. Joyyy
Sandoko told me he is studying linear algebra. Wow, he got it all. He is very smart. We are always together since 2007 OSN. But it seems that he is far improving now compared to what I am. He got admitted to SPS, doing cool research and discussions. I used to envy him. everytime we met he talked about something new and cool. I now think that we may have separate ways of success. Maybe I cannot go to SPS this year, maybe God wants me to concentrate more on the basic concept because I have not yet get them. He got a great passion in physics. while I was still lagging. it reminds me, when I went to SPS interview I told them I think research is boring (how dense). I am still struggling with basic calculus now, my math sucks lo... I used to trigerred to touch new things when I am still not done with one thing. Lack of focus. khak keng ciang, always chasing other's shadow. I need to do the first things first. One by one. be patient. without crapping much, what I think now is this:
It does not matter where you are now, it is where you are going.
I want to apply for UROPS next year. What is it?
I think I can make it. I think I have found my passion in research. I want to improve my knowledge in science. I am planing to take basic chemistry and basic programming next semester.
Ow yeah, my friend Jeysthur (who found pleasure in humiliating me), said that he is going to have piano lesson. I am strongly interested! I want to join! I want! I want! if it is affordable, I want!
Wooowwww... I feel so much alive. Life is so challenging. It offers me so many chances. Live to the fullest! maybe hard, though.
but I'll just do it. that;s what will keep me straung..
just like nike
just do it
bit creepy, but still, just do it lahh
anyone who don't get it, I was trying to make my smile looks like nike's logo. o yeah, those white spots are NOT skin fungus, it is just that I am still a photoshop idiot.
I love LIFE
and one more thing, just ignore all grammatical errors
what do you expect from a band 3 QET student?
XD
Dr Peter Ho
ORGANIC SEMICONDUCTOR
wow... only typing it already making me so proud
hehehh
He teaches PC1142
I know he is very smart, funny (his jokes often ain't funny, but he is)
He never changed his clothes LOL
He must be very busy doing research and teaching
But I saw he always wear another T-shirt under his cloth
Hmmm... that's the trick..
I just known that he is super cool
Peter Ho so cool eeeii
Today I skipped my ES tutorial . I slept so early last night lo, before 12 malah.. I just did'nt get up
I guess this is due to sleeping so late (or so early??) at 5 am days ago
Mom's right. There is no point doing that. There is no point to study so late at night while your head felt like want to explode due to super duper drowsiness, only sacrificing my health, which is useless.
Now at the library
need to do past year's exam papers aa.. math especially. final is near ugh... do the best!!!!
! ! ! S E M A N G A T ! ! !
D O N ' T G I V E U P
from Indonesia, I just known that Sherina and Raditya Dika are in relationship!! wuwow, congratz to both of them.. Not my business ah.. no effect for me.. I am just surprised.. Love DOES have its way
Di waktu ku kecil, gembira dan senang
Tiada duka kukenal, tak kunjung mengerang
Disore hari nan sepi....ibuku terbelut
Sujud berdoa ku dengar namaku disebut
Di doa ibuku, namaku disebut
Di doa ibuku kudengar, ada namaku disebut
Sering ini kukenang, di masa yang berat
Di kala hidup mendesak dan nyaris kutersesat
Melintas gambar ibuku, sewaktu bertelut
Kembali sayup kudengar, ....namaku disebut
Di sore hari nan sepi... ibuku bertelut
Sujud berdoa ku dengar namaku disebut
Di doa ibuku, namaku disebut
Di doa ibuku dengar ada namaku disebut....
Ada namaku di sebut
I got a phonecall from my father
he told me my mom was praying then
it makes me recall this song
my mum prays for us everyday at home
she prays to Jesus for our happiness
she keeps me in her prayer
therefore, I have to be strong
I have to persevere
I want to make her proud
I know that it is not by having straight As
It is by doing my best
it is by not giving up and keeping my enthusiasm even when everything went wrong
it is the spirit
that would make her proud of me
therefore, I will...!!!
suppose you have a particle (in a gravitational field, for instance) which starts somewhere and moves to to some other point B by free motion. For example, let it be a particle that you throw upward, it would go up and down. It would go from point A to point B in a certain amount of time.
Now, suppose we have an imaginary path for the particle that looked as in fig 2. we change only the path, it is still happening in between t1 and t2.
If you calculate the kinetic energy at every moment on the path, take away the potential energy, and integrate it over the time during the whole path, you'll find that the number you'll get is bigger than that for the actual motion.
In other words, the laws of Newton could be stated not in the form of F=ma but in the form: the avergae kinetic energy less the average potential energy is as little as possible for the path of an object going from one point to another point.
we can calculate the kinetic energy minus the potential energy and integrate that value wrt time for such a path or for any other path we want. The miracle is that the true path is the one for which that integral is the least.
awesome.... but still don't get it... it is still a mere proven dogma for me
Feynman gave this example:
suppose we take the case of a free particle for which there is no potential energy at all. Then the rule says that in going from 1 point to another pint in a given amount of time the kinetic energy integral is the least, so it must go at a uniform speed.
that's right. since there is no external force acting on the body, Newton's law would predict that the body move at uniform velocity.the path of particle is determined by the velocity. If it traverse curved line, then its velocity cannot stay uniform lo.. at some point it would have to turn over, and hence change the velocity vector.
But in that sense, what about uniform circular motion, the body could just go through circular motion with uniform speed. This motion needs external force though.
...
...
...
need to recall taylor's series
to be ctd
I love you so
the only people in life that know me the best
my strength
my weakness
my good and my bad
and yet still love me
deeply
They never get bored to hear
my acclaim, my regrets
I could never get enough
their love
encouragement
embraces
I miss them
They miss me too
I want to do my best for them
- SP1201P 5000 essay on characteristic of Physical law
- Mathematics tutorial
- Physics tutorial 41 and 42 last week (catch up things you had not yet understood)
- Mastering Physics 41 and 42
- Past year paper MA1505
- Past year paper PC1141
- Past year PC1142
- Prepare for SS' final exam
- prepare sonometer laboratory
No excuse of feeling lazy
if feel bad of having wasted time
there is no time for that either
start now
He is a friend in TOFI 2009
a very inspiring boy
his struggle in TOFI really inspire me
he encountered quite similar problem with me there
he is clever, bright, smart guy. Only that, he lacked of experience
we are almost always at the bottom in tests
He got scolded many times by our trainer
He was down
but he did not give up
with patience,
with very little time remained
he start over
he persevere; in work, and most importantly, in prayer
No one ever expected him to get into the team and be a medalist in IPhO
But he did it
Just tonight
after such a long time, we chatted
His story always inspire me when I am down
I always think that
through him,
God wants to show me
that I can do anything through Christ who strengthen me
It is always 'faith-refreshing' to talk with him
If I coud think of good things in TOFI, it would be lessons
and the people would be Andri and him
He is different though
he is a very good friend
I could say, might be the best among everyone there
Now he is preparing for another goal
that is
going to US
still not easy for him
I'll keep him in my prayer
I believe with God by his side, he can do
wish him all the best
P is for Paul
I am lost now
but that is not the problem
cause way will be discovered
solutions will come along
the problem is
that I dare not to admit it
that I find relief in whining
that I decide not to try harder
So,
whether or not I am lost
I won't define
there is no absolute state of where I am
that I am here
is what God wants me to be
it does not matter
whether I am a tiger or a deer
once the sun rises
I will run as fast as I could
however painful it is
never whine
there is no salvation there
this is the lesson I learned from watching "the Story of Immigrants" in SSA2211 lecture
my problem now is relatively smaller than theirs
Nobody could help
not my mother, father, siblings, boyfriend nor friends
I must help myself
You must get stronger, Brigitta
stop whining
start strugling
maybe it is good to have many things to do
it is good to lack of many things
it makes you struggle
and that's when you find your strength
because when i am not doing anything
I would be baffled
with myself
what I want
why I do that
Today,
I have been contemplating
it is very sad
I am not sure of what I am feeling
I am scared but I am scared to admit it
to expose it to other people
I feel that I have been living my life with guilt
God made and arrange everything nice to me
I am an inferior person
But He make me able doing the impossibles
but still, I am not faithful enough
so sad
so sad
Of all things done, said and thought by me
He still loves me
and I refuse to be better
and it is so sad
so sad
so sad
I miss my mom
I miss my father
I miss my sister
my bro too
I miss the way I used to be
this gonna make me cry
better start studying
In the middle of my fire burning for SS essay, my phone vibrated...
drrrtdrrrt
*Andri Pradana Sg*
I picked it up
halo (suaranya kayak maling lagi petak umpet soalnya lagi di library)
PS: uda dikecil2in suaranya juga masih aja ad yg menatap sinis.. aaahh
halo brigitta..
(then I moved to emptier space)
blahblahblah...we're discussing whether or not vaporization need work done on the system...blahblahblah
Then I told him about my mid term results
none of them got perfect score
my friends did
I study hard, though... (yeah I know I was not sincere)
Brig, lu tau ngga..
(Andri mengutip seorang teman smukie)
Manusia itu diciptakan bukan untuk jadi yang terbaik
tapi untuk berusaha sebaik mungkin
(in case there are non-Bahasa readers)
Brig, do u know something?
(he quoted a friend)
Man are not created to be the best one
but to do the best.
Saya, I : (diam.. terpesona.. terpana... jatuh cinta... ) tapi anak2 smuki2 pada jago2 ah..
itu karena mereka uda berusaha yang terbaik
aku juga
ya udah, bagus dong!
...
...
...
...
now I have these feelings
happy
thankful
sorry
I know God loves me because He sent him to me. It is always him, who cheer me up and support me in times like these. When I am far from home, no friends to share, no love that embraces.. It is always him, who keep watching, loving and encouraging. although sometimes he may be a disaster, for his snobbish and mean words, insensitive responses.. But at time like this I just neglect them (and of course they are negligible ^^)
lastly,
semangat ya brig!
happy later
yes, I mean
bersakit-sakit dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian
that's a well-known peribahasa
of course, with bad english XD
gyahaha
These following hours might be the most torturing moments for me. Ah, not really sih... It's just this Singapore Study essay, I hate it the most. The due is on 20th Oct. Still got few more days. But I'm not gonna dwell with this for days. I'm gonna finish it today, or for the worst scenario, tomorrow. also, lab report.. and also, project for freshman seminar, I don't like it too actually.. Modern physics, what project to do with it? It is something that is still outside my insight n i havent got time to learn much about it. It is not that I don't like to see things that I am not familiar with, I just don't like being not able to know more about it. I can, actually, but the time is not right.
Because I desperately want to review my thermodynamics
I need to practice Maths for final exam
I want to do optics problem
But above all,
tomorrow I'm gonna eating out with ii Silvy, must be at fancy restaurant since it is her who does the treat. I don't want to eat while worrying about the essay. I 'm gonna savor every bite! ><
the next day, Andri will come to my place. I will not be able to concentrate in doing anything else other than be with him >w<
I thought I could do anything
as long as I persevere
as long as I stay focus
as long as I am determined
as long as I am willing
But I miss a thing
for even I if I do aforementioned stuffs
until the end of time
I would still not be able to achieve my dreams
I remember the word
S I N C E R I T Y
We need it especially to discover our best
to make us strong during hardship
to prevent us from losing faith when facing failures
to keep us humble when we succeed
and most importantly, to do things with integrity
I realized that it has left my soul since TOFI training
don't know what to say
so lonely
so sad
...
..
.
Maybe we're different, but we're still the same
We all got the blood of Eden, running through our veins
I know sometimes it's hard for you to see
You come between just who you are and who you wanna be
If you feel alone, and lost and need a friend
Remember every new beginning, is some beginning's end
Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you gotta believe
That right here right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome, to wherever you are
When everybody's in, and you're left out
And you feel your drowning, in a shadow of a doubt
Everyone's a miracle in their own way
Just listen to yourself, not what other people say
When it seems you're lost, alone and feeling down
Remember everybody's different
Just take a look around
Be who you want to, be who you are
Everyone's a hero, everyone's a star
When you wanna give up, and your hearts about to break
Remember that you're perfect, God makes no mistakes
We all got the blood of Eden, running through our veins
I know sometimes it's hard for you to see
You come between just who you are and who you wanna be
If you feel alone, and lost and need a friend
Remember every new beginning, is some beginning's end
Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you gotta believe
That right here right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome, to wherever you are
When everybody's in, and you're left out
And you feel your drowning, in a shadow of a doubt
Everyone's a miracle in their own way
Just listen to yourself, not what other people say
When it seems you're lost, alone and feeling down
Remember everybody's different
Just take a look around
Be who you want to, be who you are
Everyone's a hero, everyone's a star
When you wanna give up, and your hearts about to break
Remember that you're perfect, God makes no mistakes
this can be good, as in:
you may not know, and I might have forgotten
I could not even understand how to do Ampere's Law for very simple electric circuit at high school
I got zero for my physics test
not bad enough?
I was the only one who got zero
that does not mean I could not win a Physics competition
I showed you
I did
I was not that science people at high school,
But I am the first in my city to represent my country in International scale physics olympiad
I did
+++
Unfortunately, at one time, the good things turn bad enough, yields:
I may have done better than you did at last year's olympiad
that does not mean I would outreach you since then
I may have received more knowledge than you did
meet more great people
solve more problems
still, does not mean I must be better than those of you who did not.
+++
At this situation, I could forget easily
changes come and go in our life
the only constant in life
it is the change itself
you may reach a point
however, life is continuous
there is no such things as ultimate point
we do not know what lies ahead
I want the medal
I want to reach the top
I got it
and I got too carried away
I did not realize
there lies beyond it
greater pressure
greater responsibility
bigger expectation
and eventually
more severe wounds
I miss the way I used to be
so passionate, so much joy and love in what I did
so restless, never hesitate to ask things I did not understand
I was aware I was not clever enough
But I was proud that I did not give up
I wished for everyone's success
get inspired by those great people
along with the achievements I did
I add more and more pride to myself
pressure of you have to be this and do that not like that,be like him or her and defeat him or her because you are supposed to be so.
I am tired of this things
I am not happy with this
I hate myself like this
+++
Sitting here at FoE McDonald's
I contemplate this
and have it written on this blog
this is a commitment to myself
to once again, change
this past few months had been the hardest in my life
failures over failures
regrets
pain
I need to help myself
Yes I was a physics olympiad medalist and I could not do quick calculation over my head!!
Yes I was a scholarship student and I made only 70 in my ma1505 mid term!!
So many yes blah blah and blah blah !!
you might think
shit, are you for real?
Yes, that's what I am
I am not the genius
I am not capable of many things
I do not know many things
I do not understand too many things
I say it loud like I used to do:
But I can do everything in Christ which strengthen me
there are so many things to repair and start over
there are so many things to learn and review
And even louder:
My duty is to do what is possible and let God do the impossible
It is good to know that life changes anytime, for good
Let this be my time :)
God bless us
So, math mid-term test was over
I had tried the best I could
I used my time and energy to prepare for this test
Still, not perfect...
I am so disappointed.
I am sad
I did not tell anybody
I did not know what to say to other ppl
I am afraid I would cry
This
I felt this
many times before
a feel of a failure
Oh,yes I was...
I used to be a failure
because I dare not to face my shortcomings
I just wept, gave up and mourn
Now not anymore
I am disappointed
But does not mean I would stop
I have to acknowledge
I am not the best
yes, I spend more than 1 week on this thing
while others may only spend 2 or 3 days
there's nothing wrong with me being so hardworking and failed
I am not failed
I am just not successful, yet
I will keep moving on my track
It doesn't matter what others would think or say
try harder
be stronger
1 week is just not enough
persevere
God gives me time, energy and chances
Yes
I CAN
I wish I could turn back time
- walaupun udah berkali-kali dibilangin, bacalah manualnya sebelum mengerjakan
- be critical. akibat cuek2 aja susah analisanya. bukan masalah klo dpat hasil jelek, tapi klo udah ga msuk di akal gimana caranya mau diolah gituuuuuu. this spends most of my time doing the report ><
- keep the raw data record. aku selalu jamais vu waktu lihat data resminya. ini slah catat iahh??
kayak gini mau jadi physicist????
bisa la~ make it right then!
syubidubidu~
...
...
tetep aja
GG
I have problem in sleeping. I am not sleep deprived. I get way too much sleep. yesterday, I didn't sleep. I spent my 12am until 6am chatting with my sister. bwooooosh.... I just slept this morning at 6 am. Got up at 1pm. My life is turned upside down. while everybody is busy with their lives, I just woke up. When they got home and be ready to get rest, I was at my best condition, so fresh and hyper.. :) not my first time though. 3 days before, in a row, I slept at 5am. savouring my favourite 24 series, season 2. Yea, I am left far behind. The latest season released is the 7th one. I watched season 1 and 4 only. I skipped. Still, great story, never ending thrills. And I likeTony Almeida so much! He is coooooolllllll........
I went to mall today, with Carol. I hitchhiked her. We bought present for our Juju who'll be having her 18th birthday today. We went to Marini's house to pack the present. we're planning a surprise for her. watch us.. :)
Just today
I think about my legacy
I wonder how to achieve a small measure of immortality
Yes...
I want to blog
What am I gonna do?
I tried to figure it out. I don't think I lead a boring life. With all things that have happened to me, I want to make sense out of my existence, I want to find some meaning in the world. This blog is meant to hand over my life to somebody else and say, This is what I went through, this is who I am, hopefully you and I can learn something from it.
I'm not sure how long will this stand still.
we'll see...^^