I have recently lost my appetite to the world. Exam is now so near and I don''t feel like studying crazy like a horse. I felt I had lost my passion. I don't give a damn on things, details. I don't feel like I did anything to God. and I felt empty.
I said I love Christ, but never really try and eager to be with Him. I went to church everyday, but my thoughts were wandering around school works, people, food xp and etc. I did not put any effort to live the life He wants me to live, as a good Catholic. I did evil ways and followed my evil passions and impulses. At first, it feels comfortable. But, soon, I got killed. I felt so empty and worthless.
So, 2 days ago I spent my day, contemplating. I really sought to Him, and I really find Him.
Friends, we might think that He needs other people to help us. In fact, He really longs to help us directly. Seek Him, and you shall find. It feels good, when you feel God's presence at any moment of your life.
But until yesterday, I was still confused about what it is that I want to pursue in life. My friends get so much passion in what they do. Physics students should get so much passion in science. What about me?
Today, I found an answer. It was at St Joseph Institution Chapel, where we celebrated Christ the King celebration today. Father told us:
"Israelites asked Samuel, "our neighbors have their kings, but we do not have one, we need to have a king!". Then Samuel said: "Yahwe is your king. He was, He is and He will forever be."".
Me : This is the answer!!!
(background music: Alleluia)
I should come back to Him
for He never leaves
He shall rule my heart.
I shall keep searching on His Kingdom
I shall let God do His work on me
for His plans are so much better than what we could think of
I shall count on Him
a letter 'A' on your paper may encourage you
good music could sooth and calm your enraged feeling
funny shows on YouTube can cheer you up
but there will be a time when you feel so tired, empty and discouraged
and they cannot fix you
maybe you are even too broken to pray
you sin every time, will He still be loving you?
Friends, His mercy is REALLY bigger than our sins
come back to Him
