It is finally today. Feels like I had just been stepping on Changi Airport yesterday. Times go so fast. This Saturday I will be completing my last paper on NUS final exam.
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Friday, 20 November 2009
ES1301
I woke up with fear. My head sprained due to late sleep the last night. Could not concentrate well. I think I did well for the text-editing part and reading comprehension. But when it came to the essay, I crapped. I don't know, I don't feel like writing something good on the paper. I really crapped.
When I reached PGP, I was so scared that I might not pass this paper. I thought of a lot of things and could not study. I felt so empty.
I spent the whole day contemplating my passions and my efforts. And finally I realized that I should be seeking for God.
I surrendered to Him, thinking that even if I cannot pass this one, I will just re-take it and do it better next semester. No regret. No shame. hehehh...
Ever since that day, I went to the church everyday. Pray rosary. When you really mean it, it is very working. It gives me calmness, strength and wisdom.
I used to work like a horse, read many things, did various problems, but I did not count on Him. I thought, ALL we need to do is to work hard. I am a Catholic but I never could understand how can prayer make people succeed. They succeed because they practice.
I used to work like a horse, read many things, did various problems, but I did not count on Him. I thought, ALL we need to do is to work hard. I am a Catholic but I never could understand how can prayer make people succeed. They succeed because they practice.
That was why, I never was happy. I worked very hard and spent almost my whole life for my works. I cared nothing about people. I cared only about my worries. When I spent my time to relax, I would grieve for "wasting my time not for studying". What a life...
It takes a year full of failures to understand, what it means to count on God. It takes losing everything to come back to Him. No regret. No shame. It is perfect.
His plans are really greater than what minds can achieve.
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
SSA2211
This is Singapore Studies module. The materials were so many. I did no study all of them. Only few parts. I did research in internet. I was so calm that day. I put my rosary on the table and open the paper. Wow...
wow...
the questions...
were just what I read those past 2 days.
13 Chapters of Singapore History, I spent only 2 days. Literally, 2 days. I never study SS during school time. I went smooth answering all of them. I was so happy
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
MA1505
This module is the one that I feared the most. My mid term result was not good, and I need to fix it in this exam. I was so stressed, I did mistakes many times and was not sure that I would be fine on this paper.
But, ever since that day, I changed the way I study this module. I still did mistakes, but I did not waste my time thinking I was a fool, retarded....blahblah... I first said thank you to the lord, for His guidance in my study, He pointed out my shortcomings in math. I looked through it and think how I can fix it. And my mind was working! Studying become so serene and peaceful.
I stucked on few problems in this exam , but I quickly told my mind, do not dwell there. I looked at the cross and be very sure that Jesus was with me during the exam. I really could think smoothly and really answer and finish all the problems and even check through some numbers in 2 hours time!! Wow, this is something above my own ability. Must be Jesus. :)
Thursday, 26 November 2009
PC 1141
I really did not put any effort on this module. I only did past year paper. I was so afraid. I can say I count on Him. But everyone knows, not studying at all make it meaningless. What God wants when He gives you something is responsibility, or otherwise, you will misunderstand or at the very least have a very simplistic and shallow understanding of life. So, if you do pray but you slack, He will give you other things (which are usually things that you do not ask for) so that you realize what it means by hoping. Ora et Labora it is.
Today, Davin told me something very interesting. He told me that a Father once spoke to him :
"When it comes to exam period, you would ask either justice OR mercy to the Lord"
If you do not get it, I did not either. heheh...
You will ask for justice when you have studied so hard: "Oh, Lord, please bless my effort for this. Hopefully, this effort brings me the best result."
You will ask for mercy when you do not prepare well : "Oh Lord, have mercy.. Please help me in doing the problems."
I asked for mercy. XD
I had it. I did all of the problems in 2 hours.
Still get one module left on Saturday.
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What should I say.. I did not like exams. It stressed me out. My fears rise up everytime I have to take examinations. But this, my first final exam in NUS, has made me think of a lot of things, and made me realize and learn a lot of things. And, most of all, made me come back to Him. Oh ya, I do not want you think that I trust in Him in a silly way. We should never be satisfied with our faith. Once you find God, keep Him in your heart and keep increasing our knowledge of what it is that He wants us to do in this life. I told you this, but the truth is, Jesus' love : we.will.never.can.get.enough
So far so good. I do not expect for good marks. I need only to know that I really had done my best for it. With the best effort, with the best faith. Let God do the rest.
Exam will end soon. I will savor it. XD
