P.S.

I got my english CA2 result today

woooaaa... it is only 19 out of 40. the lowest in the class. hmm, could possibly the lowest in the uni.

I took a deep breath

It is not that I did not do my best
I think before answering those Qs ei

very deep sigh

Commonly, I will turn very angry with myself, moody and cloudy.

Not now, git... when I get good marks, I am happy and when I get bad marks I am angry..

is this what you call faith? certainly not.

should I be satisfied with this? all this things?

I remember I used to glow, excel in everything I do. Ever since last year, I had to swallow failures over failures. I used to think how could a bright possibly failed at some time and never emerge again? I know some people, they excelled at their junior high but at senior high they just never come up.

Will I be just like them?

No, I will not. I will try as hard as I could. But I will try too, not to ignore those people around me. Based on historical record, everytime I failed, I will work like a horse and exiled myself from the outside. I must not.

I have to learn to manage my time. Time is important, but so are people. even more, God.

I typed random things here.. hahah... if you are still reading, wow... you really get no works to do, don't you? hahah.. kidding..

I will be thankful for the results. But I will never be satisfied of it. This time it is bad. Thanks to God that it is still not the final one. Last mid test was not good. I still have chances to work things out.

Just keep studying
keep praying
we never know what's in God's mind
Maybe He think it's better not giving it today
Maybe tomo, next month, next yr, or even never
Whatever it is
do not lose faith
for He is good

I take deep breath.... again
I will  not grumble
I will not tell others about how I am so scared right now
Because that means I would tell myself to do so
Because I would find satisfaction in doing so and finally not trying again
Because I would blame myself and the world

I will send my sighs to Thee alone
do not make it easier for me, God
give me perseverence