A winter's day
In a deep and dark December
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
Don't talk of love,
But I've heard the words before
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries.
---
No songs could describe my nagging adolescent angst any better than this. Ah, youth... With so many explosive dendrite growth inside the brain, not to mention, bombarded by stimulation of physical, emotional, and social change, every youth struggles with planning, reasoning, and making decisions. Sometimes I think my stimulations are way too volatile, that when everyone has found their way to move on, I keep myself being stranded on the ground.
It is a matter of attitude. Anything can be said and done, it is yourself who decide what's good or bad. And that is why people say "Attitude makes up altitude". I haven't got that attitude, yet. I am still living life as naive as can be; playing on the safe side, blaming others when things get wrong; and thus here I am, deep down in the dark abyss.
Don't get me wrong. I really don't like myself that way. I want to be happy, I just have not yet figured out how; sometimes even convinced that I would probably never be... --> Bad thoughts, I think they are my best companion. When everyone seems not to give a damn of my life, when I am most alone, they are always there with me. But they will only lead me to their vicious cycle.
Anyway, I changed my blog layout. I am sick of pretending to have bright colors to display my life. I want to hide from this bitter world; of its labeling this and that, of its demanding this and that, of its judging who and what, of its unfairly destined lottery of life... For this moment, I'd rather hide, and thus, black ftw. :)
I am a rock
Posted on
Thursday, December 30, 2010
