This vacation... I'd waited for 4 month during the 2nd semester.. I think of things that I long to do.
I even made list. I want to go swimming and jogging regularly, practice piano intensively, explore Singapore, organize things inside my Mac, prepare for next sem, I want to spend time with my bf, I want to buy goods at great price during SGG for my family, try many recipes, practice painting, organize my bedroom in PGP, read a novel, know more about my faith...
See... things went pretty well at the beginning... the first 3 weeks, I managed to do well.. I went swimming and jogging, I went to help friends for their service project, I borrowed some good books, practice piano daily, got some apparels for myself at good price... but I end up posting a body with such a remorseful title..
Since I received my result for 2nd semester, I become so discouraged.. No friends, no boyfriend, no parents, no brother, no sister... I remembered myself running only halfway along the track that day... Too troubled even to breathe, I just lay down on the grass... watching the orange and quiet sky... The clouds moved steadily, just as time went by. My mind replays my rise and fall throughout this life... I used to be a girl with a bunch of motivation, inspiration, determination... where is she now?
shame
disappointment
failure
down
broken
bored
cowardice
lies
pretense
there.. she hides herself beneath those walls.
I tried to step ahead, but I ran back. I lost hope to myself, I can no longer trust myself. So afraid..
All my friends are moving forward and I am still jailing myself.
I am tired of myself, and I won't be questioning anything if you too are tired of me.
