P.S.

I was not that science people at high school,

But I am the first in my city to represent my country in International scale physics olympiad

I did

+++

Unfortunately, at one time, the good things turn bad enough, yields:

I may have done better than you did at last year's olympiad

that does not mean I would outreach you since then

I may have received more knowledge than you did

meet more great people

solve more problems

still, does not mean I must be better than those of you who did not.

+++

At this situation, I could forget easily

changes come and go in our life

the only constant in life

it is the change itself

you may reach a point

however, life is continuous

there is no such things as ultimate point

we do not know what lies ahead

I want the medal

I want to reach the top

I got it

and I got too carried away

I did not realize

there lies beyond it

greater pressure

greater responsibility

bigger expectation

and eventually

more severe wounds

I miss the way I used to be

so passionate, so much joy and love in what I did

so restless, never hesitate to ask things I did not understand

I was aware I was not clever enough

But I was proud that I did not give up

I wished for everyone's success

get inspired by those great people

along with the achievements I did

I add more and more pride to myself

pressure of you have to be this and do that not like that,be like him or her and defeat him or her because you are supposed to be so.

I am tired of this things

I am not happy with this

I hate myself like this

+++

Sitting here at FoE McDonald's

I contemplate this

and have it written on this blog

this is a commitment to myself

to once again, change

this past few months had been the hardest in my life

failures over failures

regrets

pain

I need to help myself

Yes I was a physics olympiad medalist and I could not do quick calculation over my head!!

Yes I was a scholarship student and I made only 70 in my ma1505 mid term!!

So many yes blah blah and blah blah !!

you might think

Yes, that's what I am

I am not the genius

I am not capable of many things

I do not know many things

I do not understand too many things

I say it loud like I used to do:

there are so many things to repair and start over

there are so many things to learn and review

And even louder:

It is good to know that life changes anytime, for good

Let this be my time :)

God bless us