I was overwhelmed by the sudden call from FoS on Friday morning , after another sleepless night, telling me to vacate my room latest by that very day or not I will get kicked out of the room.
I was very upset because the last thing I read from OSA was that they were processing my request for extension and that they will update me as soon as possible. Ya I was upset that they did not have the courtesy to tell me that the extension was rejected and tell me to vacate my room within a day or two. I had been looking for a house and been out whole day for house viewing and got chased by a lot of pushy housing agents.
I decided to just move out because I was calling OSA and FoS and UHC several times and nobody cared enough to help me and they kept throwing me in between. Their best suggestion was to vacate the room and stay in the hotel outside. But I don't know what to do with my stuffs. But then I was too sick to pack my things up and even in my best shape packing up by myself in less than a was quite impossible. I did not even have cardboards to begin with.
And all my friends were having their exams, people in Raffles Hall, even them, did not accept storage because it was exam period.
So I called sister Jocelyn and asked her if I could stay in the retreat house. But she asked her head nun and said no.
I finally called a housing agent and told her that I would take one of the house (which was quite expensive but I really need the place then) but damn that housing agent told me to sign the contract and pay by that night but she said she could only confirm to me whether or not the house could be rented by 9 May. And then around 10 numbers kept calling me that day, asking me about house viewing schedule and this or that unit. And people from Kuok Foundation had been calling me, bugging me to get out of the house. It was hell. I really felt like throwing my phone out of the window.
I finally went to IKEA to get cardboards. but then it was already 4 pm when I was back. I was very depressed, I really did not know what to do etc. And packing was especially hard , I threw away a lot of stuffs, my kitchen appliances and almost everything in my room were gifts from brother Dom. I could not stop crying that day.
Ferninda told me to go to FoS and asked them whose decision it was and see if I could get any help. So I went there and told them, as OSA told us, that it was faculty order. But FoS insisted that it was from OSA. I got very upset and I screamed in their office and cursed the lift. I really think I was going nuts.
So FoS changed their mind, I think they realized that it was a wrong decision to kick me out of the place but they cannot do anything about it. They deemed me to be too unsafe to stay outside school. So now, not only I have to vacate my room that day, I also had to GET OUT of Singapore by Saturday and return home.
What the hell. Really, I was thinking what the hell. I told them that I think they want suicidal people to just kill themselves. I cannot seek help and apply for LOA, I should just keep it to ourselves and get by until one day I should just hang myself dead like that Cinnamon student.
It really does not make sense. That other guy I met from IMH was also from FoS and they can keep his room for him. I just need the time to resolve my hospital bills and I really need to make sure everything is okay or unless they would charge 8000 sgd. I understand that I can no longer stay on campus, and that's why I need to find a house. How was I supposed to find a house in Singapore within 2 weeks? I asked them if OSA prefer me to stay illegally with my friends in PGP. Such a non-sense... And my counselor wrote to them telling them that it would be best for me to stay in Singapore to do my follow up treatment and especially I cannot get those back at home.
In the end I packed my things till 11pm that day with the help of Ferninda and Paul. I put my stuffs at Ferninda's home, which I did not fancy at all. She was the last person I would want to trouble with.
Ya but I was stomped by these things. I really felt I have no more self-esteem. All the people in FoS and OSA just looked at me as if I was crazy, talked to me as if I was dumb, made the decisions for me like I was unfit to live by myself.
This is not self-pity. I am sick of this too, my depression. But these series of events seemed to keep strangling me when I gasped for air, kept pushing me down when I started to pick myself up. But yeah, it is a hard lesson to learn, a bitter medicine to swallow. I get to see clearer once I wipe out my tears and breathe deeper once the air is free.
And spit. I will die living.
