I won't delete those emo posts...
Mama, I will ganbatte for you!!!! You are my hero
October 2010
No, I'm not saying that Physics is the hardest, the toughest subjects one can study
I don't like the idea comparing subjects, every field has its own challenge
one should not underestimate anything
Yet, the hardest things are...
to do something you do not love
to be someone you are not
to keep running here and there aimlessly
I don't blame the world,
the blame is on myself
Every life has to grow
Everyone comes to a stage where they have to see the world for themselves
Is it my turn now?
It does not feel the way I thought it would
Is it my broken heart,
or is it my twisted mind?
I lost myself in the middle of people and stuffs
This world is just too big and I am too small
Reality, it is too bitter, it disheartens...
Reality, it is no friend of mine
My consoler, where have you gone?
Days feel like Mournday, Tues-die, Wept-ns-die, THUS, die, Frightday, Sad-turday
...
I fear life to my death
feels like quitting, but I dare not
can I just fly far?
I'd like to fly far, far far away from here
One thing about growing up: it never feels the way I thought it would
Posted on
Saturday, October 23, 2010
I don't like myself. Has anybody felt this way, the feeling of being the one who is fated to be lost in so-called genotype and phenotype lottery? Who am I trying to fool, act like a happy and grateful soul, amidst the blows expelled by life? I am no good. I am not okay.
Who am I trying to fool, when I look to the mirror and say "I love just the way I am." I might have to swallow the fact that I cannot posses those good-looking genes, height genes... Well, people say gene does not make a man. Too bad, I am just ugly inside out.
I am a retard who is trying to do physics,
an inarticulate mind who is trying to write,
a tone-deaf person who wants to do music,
a wicked soul who is trying to save other souls,
an unfunny and lonely clown
Too much flaws to bear. It is like an itch that you can not scratch.
and I cannot persevere.
I cannot think of any consolation.