P.S.

She should have listened to her mother
"Have you known there lies a cliff, you must not jump in"


The cliff...
is not that he is not good enough
that cliff,
is because the gap is too wide to cross


is it too much? 
she has no idea
but it feels so real now, it seems that gap is so big now
she had a fight just now
just because of a matter of taking nap and things like that
reminds me of Yoshirin and Michi of Crayon Shnchan
funny.. but so silly they are


she wants him the way she wants him to be
she thought what's wrong with her having a good vision of her future life
not that she fears of troubles in the future
she only wants to do the best so that whatever goes around later, the regret is neither hers or his


too much different, she sighs...
he said, "I love you" but she is never sure
how much love is love?
it seems they "speak" a very different love language
he thought R is love
but she does not feel so


she does not feel love
when she did not received the help she needed 
he said "how am I supposed to know when you did not tell?"
she thought " I do not call it love if I need to ask for it everytime I need help. my servants do things that way, but we are another one."
start with asking lah, at least


she does not feel love
when everytime they went out she is the one who had to arrange for everything
he does not like going out and she is like a wave
he said "I do not know traffic, how am I supposed to arrange it?"
she thought "you never try, dear.. you never put any significant effort to actually please me"


she does not feel love
everytime they had fight
when she tried to pointed out his shortcomings
he could always make a defense
he could always find reasons
he thought he is being reasonable of the things that he did or things he did not
but she thinks, "we always search for reasons. and know what, we could always find one. for  every good deeds, there is always a reason for not doing so. But if we do not fight it and leave it just like that, there is no effort. What is it compared to a coward?"
it makes her looked at him in a disdain


really, she hopes she just thinks too much
she hopes it is just her that has not realize how sweet he is 
because if it is so
she will run back and tell him she is sorry
he is not a bad guy
if it is so, it will be much easier for her, to hate him and leave him just like that
he is good
it is just that they are two very different souls
differ in the way of thinking
caring
interests
making friends
being sweet
pleasing people
loving 


difference is needed though
the gap is needed for you to complete the puzzle 
so that the pieces fit with each other
she has been hiding her piece
hoping that she could cut it down and match it with him
she is just too proud to do so now
she thinks her piece is so beautiful
but now that she has shown it to him
she feels that the gap is too large
they doesn't fit anymore
...


she does not like this
she feels this is so much waste